Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
