I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Randomize
