At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Let's paint friendship bongs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
