remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
