so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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