If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
