Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
