Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize