im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
