I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
