Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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