I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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