"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
