I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is the high leading the old right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
