Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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