Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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