Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
