Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
