yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
