We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
