I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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