I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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