Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
