Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize