I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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