i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
