1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
