How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
