i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
