I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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