And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
