Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
