I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
