She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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