so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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