help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
