Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
