he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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