We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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