Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
