how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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