all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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