her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
