she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
