Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
