Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
