Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At least make sure they are 18
Why
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
