So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
