Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
