I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
