I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
