I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
