I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
