i think my tv is drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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