I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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