She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
