he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
