She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize