Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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