my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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