this just has baby written all over it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
