Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's get the cat blown out
I think i got beer on your cat.
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