Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
