Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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