I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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