I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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