When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
