Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
