We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
