Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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