Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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