If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
