hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
