she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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