I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
