I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize