So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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