I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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