a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
