The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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