He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
