even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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