Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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