My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
