So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
