I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
