I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
