I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
